By Friday, I’m usually on the point of explosion. I’m exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed after a week of repressing my emotions and temper. Despite having many ideas, I am having difficulties structuring my thoughts and to write coherently so the way I’m going to do it is to type a transcript of an imagined conversation with a fictitious character, Sosighewwty (so-sigh-eww-ty).
Sosighewwty: Are you sick?
Sosighewwty: Can you work?
Sosighewwty: Can you work under pressure?
Me: I try my best
Sosighewwty: Can you work under tight deadlines?
Me: I try my best
Sosighewwty: Can you work as a team?
Me: Yes… if instructions are clear
Sosighewwty: Can you communicate well?
Me: Can you? I think communication goes both ways.
Sosighewwty: Can you work in a noisy environment?
Sosighewwty: Can you handle the phones ringing?
Me: The phone ring is really loud and piercing.
Sosighewwty: … and people walking about, whispering, talking, discussing about work, chattering?
Me: I really hate it when people talk especially when they do so at the same time. It is also very annoying when people suddenly break into a loud laughter.
Sosighewwty: So let me ask you again, can you work?
Me: … can I work from home?
Sosighewwty: No you can’t, we don’t want to create a precedent.
Me: (thinking about my daily walk along heavily polluted road and the above challenges) I’m starting to feel sick. I think I need to see a doctor.
Sosighewwty: What’s wrong?
Me: I am autistic.
Sosighewwty: Don’t be silly, you can’t get sick leave from being autistic.
Me: No of course. I mean I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. My autism means I’m hypersensitive to sounds. The environment makes me anxious. My head is about to explode. I’m depressed.
Sosighewwty: Are you on medication?
Sosighewwty: You need to be on medication to get a sick leave.
Me: Let me get this straight. I am not allowed to work from home despite being capable of working full time but you will excuse me from work if I get sick leave for my depression?
Sosighewwty: Yes. This is pretty much how I work, or for that matter how any society works.
Me: Very well…I think you are more sick than I am.
Repeat above conversation at least 10 times daily. For better anxiety and depression effect, repeat 100 times daily.
Take a rest, go to sleep, dream of paradise (I know I just shared this song in my last post but the official video just came up this week. When it seems that no one close around understands you, you find comfort in song(s) that captures your thoughts and takes you on a journey into the woods and outer space searching for the ultimate peacefulness.) Have a good weekend.
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