“I don’t know” deconstructed: Take Two

Dreams are made up of hope that keep me alive
Without hope, there is no dream
Without dreams, I’m just an empty soul
Disinterested and unmotivated
Despair
Broken
Hopeless


This blog exists because of a dream. I’ve always been able to count on escaping into my imagination to lessen the stress and anxiety of day-to-day life. In my Wanderland, I dream of a better place, sights to visit for my next holiday, vast open space and wide blue skies. And then I hope that one day my dream will come true, if I dream long and hard enough. I used to think that it is my dream that brings me hope. I was wrong. I dream because I have hopes. It was the prospect of a better place that made me dream. This would explain why I stop escaping into my imagination ever since I was suddenly made jobless. From the day I realise I can’t even afford a holiday trip, my dream was over, I’m stuck. It all came down to money. No money, no hope. I lost my words, I lost my interest, I lost my Walden. There is no point in dreaming and I’d have stopped blogging altogether, what you’re seeing now is pure obstinance.

To have dream is to have hope, and I will hope for everything to be a dreamer again. And to all dreamers, be thankful and proud of yourselves!


Dome – FIREWOODISLAND

At the bottom of the darkest pit there is still rays of hope
And I’m begging, I’m begging you please throw down that rope
‘Cause I’ve been here too long, too long, too long, too long, too long
I’ve decided that I want, I want, I want, I want out

Soaring through the dome, never to recoil
I have found a home in what I might become

Featured image: Collapse, Robbie Rowlands

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3 thoughts on ““I don’t know” deconstructed: Take Two

  1. I know it’s not the most helpful advice, but hang in there.🐱 I been so down deep in the pits of darkness I thought there was no way I was ever going to see daylight again. I made it out and so can you. A way will present itself. Hold onto your hopes & your dreams. Let them be your rock and your refuge until things start looking up for you. I wish I had more to offer than good thoughts. Sending lots of those💌💌💐🌴🌺🌻🌸💞😎

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Some more than 20 years ago, living in Central Europe, desperate in the middle of crisis upon crisis, I begged everyone I knew (including “god”, whom it turned out I didn’t) to give me just a jump start moving to an English speaking country where I could start using my many “talents and gifts” people kept “wondering” about…
    But no, no one bothered, offering all sorts of lame reasons. And when I say desperate, I meant sometimes no job, no money, no food in the fridge, besides a jar of lard at one ocasion. I took the kilo of flour in the pantry and the half kilo of potatoes, scavenged my change from all places, bought the smallest package of yeast, and baked the worse bread I’ve ever seen. But that day and the next, my pregnant wife and I had larded bread…
    When the bread was gone, someone invited us to supper, and so on and so fort. Obstinately and defiant against all odds, I named all my children with English and phonetically English compatible names. It took us another 15 years of struggle and misery, until we moved to the UK, where in spite of all my credentials, I had to start below scratch, taking seven more years to get just closer to what I once was, looking still further to about 4-5 years of hard work.
    Hope? Getting closer and closer to 60?
    I might as well call my stubbornness that way…
    My inspiration? None.
    Something similar to what I believe?
    “Genius is 1% talent and 99% percent hard work…” Albert Einstein

    When as an elementary school child I was first taught about the “finite universe” theory, I went to the blackboard, drew a crocked line from top to bottom near the end of left side, wrote on the right side of the line “Universe” and a question mark on the left hand side of it. I looked at the teacher and asked: “If this is the finite universe on the right, what’s this, on the left, made of?”
    Therefore DW, if you have 1% of a dream you genuinely believe in, you still owe yourself (and your dream) 99% of hard work, whatever that might be, whatever that may mean, however long that may take.
    But of course, it’s all up to You 💐
    Take care 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I wish I had the magic recipe my lovely, because I would give it to you in a heartbeat! All I can say is that, like KBG, I’ve been in my own incarnation of something similar, and I never thought I’d make it out. Somehow I did. There is a spark of hope somewhere; your life is a semicolon; no matter how much the road might look like a period at the end of a sentence, it’s a semicolon in disguise. Your story isn’t over yet; it doesn’t end here. Maybe the mountain is too steep to climb at once. But your story doesn’t end here; take one more step 😘🙌🏼💞💞

    Liked by 1 person

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