Stranger in the woods

My list of undone and unfinished tasks continues to grow as I recently added a new title to my list of unread books 📚 ~ The Stranger in the Woods by Michael Finkel.

It wouldn’t be difficult to identify the common threads that run through my reading list: nature, exploration, wilderness, walking, solitude.

Stranger in the city

I was born in a small country surrounded by city skyscrapers and man-made landscape. Our family activities and weekends were spent mostly in malls and cinemas. The only nature I knew was the botanic garden, the tree-lined avenues and the weather. The highest hill stands at 163.63 metres (537 ft.) tall and I would hardly call that wilderness. My closest encounter with nature and outdoor activity was to get myself deliberately drenched in rain. It is a fast-paced, cosmopolitan city. There was hardly any rural life to speak of. The rural was considered undesirable and outdated by modern standards, people would have scoff at the idea of living or working in the rural. In short, the city is the only way of life I knew and the default way of life I was encouraged to strive for. And thus, I imagined myself grew up to be a successful woman living in the city and working in a large corporate firm, confident, sociable and popular. This is far from reality and yes, I pictured myself sociable, even though I had difficulty making friends. This was why I chose a university in London to pursue my undergraduate degree without hesitation. If I was going to further my studies abroad, it had to be a city and preferably, the capital city. I did end up in London eventually but I can hardly say I’ve experienced the city life for I was already quite a hermit back then and my reason? I was focused on my studies. I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t get to explore much of London in my 3 years of study in the city. Nevertheless, I still harboured the thought that one day, I’m going to turn out successful and sociable. I honestly thought that the social aspect would come naturally after I graduated and embarked on my career. Not that I was unhappy to be alone, in fact, I’ve always been comfortable on my own but on the other hand, being alone doesn’t sit well with the society image of a high-flyer. I didn’t know much about autism then. In hindsight, I’d say I was trying to fit myself into society’s mold. When I moved to Hong Kong at the age of 24, I still believed that I was destined for the bustling city life and was determined to make the most of the city for I regretted not making good use of my time in London to explore the city and the rest of the country. Still, I was adamant that I’d make plenty of new friends and lead an active social life. I started hiking.

Hiking provides a great opportunity for me to get up close and personal to nature and the wild side and the experience has changed me in subtle and profound ways. It invigorates my soul and senses like no man can. Funnily enough, the more I hike, the more solitude I crave. Nature has the ability to reflect and bring out your true self whether you are aware or not. My diagnosis and understanding of autism later on put things into further perspective. It’s time to admit that I’m never going to become the sociable person I imagined myself to be. For nearly three decades, I tried to blend into the city and lived under the false sense of belonging but all along, I am a mere stranger in the city.

“I took a walk in the woods and came up taller than the trees.” Henry David Thoreau

Stranger in the woods

In my reading and armchair travelling, I often wondered what are the chances of encountering a deadly snake or spider in Australia or dingoes or leeches and ticks? What are the chances of encountering a bear if I’m hiking in the US? To be honest, it scares me although most books would point out that the chances of being killed by a wild animal are slim and advice people to exercise their common sense and leave wild animals alone. If anyone asks if I’m afraid to hike alone in the dark, to certain extent, I’m. But it’s a question of probability (depending on the location and circumstances etc) and a question of relative (I’m scared but my desire to hike alone is even stronger). I guess it’d be akin to asking whether surfers are afraid of sharks in the ocean?

I was out on a night hike and expected the trail to be quiet as it was after 9:30pm and especially after a day of rain. As I walked up to the Pinewood Battery historic site (link opens in new tab), I stopped as I heard movements immediately followed by the sight of an animal moving swiftly across the trail and towards the direction I was going. Despite my headlamp, I couldn’t make up what it was that just moved across my vision. It was the size of a big dog, could have been a feral dog or a lost dog but I didn’t hear it bark. Also, I thought the animal looked stout and ‘thicker’ than a dog, could have been a wild boar. I immediately thought what are the chances of running into a wild boar on Hong Kong Island? Wild boars are common in Hong Kong but mostly found in the New Territories region although they have been sighted on Hong Kong Island too. Whether it was a dog or a wild boar, I was certain that the animal was scared and wanted to avoid me as much as I was scared and wanted to avoid it too. At this point, I could either press on ahead without any idea where the animal went or retraced my steps back. Common sense and a cowardly mind told me that I should retrace my steps back. While it presented no immediate danger, I didn’t want to provoke it or made it felt threatened. In addition, my intent was merely to spend time alone, it didn’t matter whether or not I got up to the peak. Tracing my steps back down, I was amused that since I’ve started night hiking, no two nights were the same, each hike was a new different experience. But then, I haven’t started night hiking for long. On my way down towards a pavilion, I was once again alerted to movements in the bush. It was a much smaller animal compared to the one I just saw, about the size of a duck or goose and feathery, moving into the bush. If they were birds, it must be quite a big (medium sized) bird. It was a strange interesting night, mysterious, even creepy! The woods is very much alive in the dark and I wondered if the rain earlier had anything to do with my unusual encounter.

Even though I was by myself, I was aware that I’m sharing the trail with numerous living beings at the same time. When I think about how I felt when someone intrudes my solitude, I felt a sense of guilt for intruding their habitat. I was the intruder and the stranger, thankful to nature for tolerating my presence.

“I love nature, I love the landscape, because it is so sincere. It never cheats me. It never jests. It is cheerfully, musically earnest.” Henry David Thoreau

In the British tv series, New Lives in the Wild, presenter Ben Fogle travels around the world to meet people who have given up the rat race to start a new life in some of the wildest and most remote places on earth. I watched the series with interest and admiration for these people. I also know that my notion of wilderness will never match up to their living off the grid raw wilderness lifestyle. I simply lack the skills to do so. But I am content to leave the city behind for a more rural lifestyle, just as the Walden woods wasn’t that remote from civilisation.

There is a saying that if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. I sometimes feel like a fish that has learned how to climb a tree poorly but doesn’t know how to swim.

8 thoughts on “Stranger in the woods

  1. I love where I live. I’m about 20 minutes drive from the ocean, about an hour from 6000′ mountains, about 2 hours from desert. In the winter I can drive to the snow and play, then drive to the ocean, then go home all in the same day ( if I had the energy). I love going hiking and camping and it’s something I need to do more of. I have opportunities that others would love to have and I should take advantage of them. Thanks for reminding me❣👣💞

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks DW 🙂
        Yes, WP does notify of likes, by just randomly or rather not about comments…
        I’m really glad you liked it, as I slowly understand another dimension of myself, which is the source of my writings. Most writers can remember the majority of their writings, which means that their source of inspiration is the conscious, while I can’t ever remember anything, after a while not even on re-reading. Therefore I end-up re-reading my own poetry as if it would have been written by someone else. Is that peculiar, or creepy?
        I remember the days when I was still singing, I had to take on stage a portatif for my lyrics, usually my own, which I couldn’t memorise even to the end of a tour… Now it may have to do with my dyslexic memory, or I don’t know what…
        This is why I couldn’t have ever considered acting. I tried and it was a torture, being really good, unable though to memorise my scripts…
        Ta-da 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I don’t have the problem you described so to that extent it is peculiar to me, even though my memory isn’t as good as it used to be and sometimes I have to search my own posts because I couldn’t remember if I’ve wrote something. Even if I forgot what I wrote, it doesn’t mean that when I wrote it, I don’t mean it. And hey, maybe it was your other self in your parallel universe who wrote it? Who can say it isn’t real? 😉
        FYI, I did leave a comment in your post. I really like the idea that I’m just my self, I don’t have to become either “us” or “them”. There was a stage when I doubted my autistic diagnosis because I can’t relate to the experience of other autistics and that kind of confuses me but I’m learning that that’s fine. If I don’t agree with people or I can’t relate to someone else’s experience (vice versa), that’s fine because I’m just me, I don’t have to fit into “us” or “them”.

        Liked by 2 people

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