Loves me, loves me not

The constant mental struggles of my autistic brain:

It is not my fault I have autism but why does it feel so wrong to be autistic?

It is not my fault I struggle with employment but why do I feel so bad about being a quitter?

It is not my fault I enjoy solitude but why do I feel society is punishing me for being an introvert?

It is not my fault I have peculiar sensitive needs to my environment but why do I feel embarrassed to ask for accommodation?

It is not my fault I take a longer time to process things but why does that make me feel stupid?

It is not my fault I don’t do well in exams or maybe I simply haven’t worked hard enough?

It is not my fault I made a wrong career choice but I should have known better.

It is not my fault to want to seek a better environment. I’m to blame for not having a contingency plan. 

It is not my fault that I am the way I am. Stop making excuses for your personality flaws.

It is not my fault I did not have a professional qualification. It is my fault I did not try harder.

My fault, not my fault.

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