I am my own worst enemy: a soliloquy

I dream of moving to Australia.

You are dreaming the impossible.

I know it will be difficult but shouldn’t we follow our dreams?

You are wasting your time and aiming too high.

At least I dare to dream and I’m trying my best to make it comes true. 

Well, that is admirable but still… I think this blog is a silly idea. What are you thinking? Hoping someone would give you the dream job you want?

No, I know I have to fight for the life I want. I’m just asking for information about opportunities that might further my dream.

Well, you know the odds. 

I do, thank you. At least now that I’ve tried, I don’t have to waste time wondering what would happen if I try.  

Fair enough.

You don’t think I could do it?

You should aim for something more practical. 

But I can’t stand this place any longer, it is too crowded and noisy.

Life is tough anywhere. You should make the best of your environment.

I don’t understand ~ why do I have to accept an environment that is making me sick?

You shouldn’t think of changing the environment. You should adapt yourself to it.

I’ve tried. For the first 6 years, I’ve travelled and hiked every part of the island. But it has been getting more and more difficult in recent years. I am not trying to change it, all I want is the chance to move to a new place where there is space for me to enjoy peace and solitude. 

Peace comes from within your heart, not the environment.

Cut the crap! You know it is easier said than done. 

There are many others less fortunate. You should be thankful for what you have.

I know but this is not a game of who is less fortunate.

It is you who wanted to move to this place ten years ago, remember? You got what you wanted so stop complaining. Appreciate what you’ve got.

You are not understanding how much pain I am in!

I don’t understand why you can’t just accept the fact that it is all in your mind. Stop thinking about what’s making you unhappy and look at the good side. Just get use to it, for goodness sake!

You don’t understand how difficult this is especially for someone with Asperger. My senses are overloaded, I just can’t function anymore!

Utterly nonsense! Stop using Asperger as an excuse.

Why do you have to be so harsh?

I’m just being rational and realistic.

Am I wrong for dreaming of a better environment, a different life somewhere?

I’m just saying the different life you are dreaming of is not practical.

I hate you. 

You know I’m right. I am your worst enemy.


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