Why am I writing a blog about Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) when there are so many information, advocates and auto-biographies out there on the autism spectrum and AS?
Firstly, in the hope of making my dream comes true, I see the need to reach out to a wider audience. There is nothing noble about my motivation writing this blog, which is driven entirely by self-serving interests. Secondly, many times I read about a topic by someone on the spectrum, I do not find myself identifying with them. I thought they do not represent me. While I find that a bit unsettling, I take that to be an affirmation of the saying that “When you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism” (Dr. Stephen Shore). This means no two autistic individuals are the same and in vain of finding a source that speaks to my mind, I decide to write my own (you could say that is the narcissistic motive). This blog is about MY autism.
During my childhood and adolescent years, I didn’t understand why it is that I don’t seem to fit into the groups in my class. I didn’t seem to share a common topic with my classmates and didn’t understand the social dynamics going on. Then I grew up and heard about autism and AS. I find out about Professor Tony Attwood, a leading expert on AS, and his book, “The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome”. As I was reading it, everything seems to fall into place I was thinking, “that’s me!”
I read there is a phase of making peace with yourself after getting a diagnosis in adulthood. However, that was only a brief phase in my case. No sooner than I finish reading the book, I have so many questions in my mind I thought what I need right now is A Complete Guide to Neurotypicals (a term to refer to the ordinary population). At the same time, as I start to read more about the experiences of other people on the spectrum, I become troubled by the fact that I don’t find myself identifying with their experiences. It is ironic that after all those years of wondering why it is that I’m different from my peers, I am now wondering why it is that I’m different from my fellow Aspies (people with AS). There is such a tremendous amount of knowledge to learn about the human brain and mind. I am not so much troubled by the fact that I am different, it is the lack of understanding, not knowing why or what makes me or us different, that troubles me. Personally, I do not want to be an enslaved to the mundane worldly affairs so being different is good and for anyone saying weird is bad or alone is lonely, I beg to differ. I think it is awesome to be weird and a blessing to be alone.